just went to my cousin's nephew's one month celebration.was thinking about the past when i was sitting there talking with my cousins.it's been a long long time since i went to my cousin's,well two years to be exact.well in the past,going to my cousin's in woodlands used to a weekly thing.every sunday we would go to my aunt's house for dinner and some catching up with my cousins and stuff.then i would go over to my cousin's place and either play playstation with him or play wrestling on his bed and just hang out.my cousin's two or three years older than me so we got along pretty fine.then as every week went by,he started to go out with his friends on sunday and i would be bored stiff at my aunt's house.i thought it was normal because it was a process of growing up,everyone has to grow up.fast forward two years and he's already married with a kid that's one month old.two years ago my cousin went to the boys' home because my aunt couldnt control him anymore as he was hanging out with the wrong company and picked up bad habits like smoking and getting tattoos over his body.aftter coming out from the boys home,he turned over a new leaf and got a girlfriend and soon got married.honestly,i really miss hanging out with my cousin and stuff.even tuough it was a weekly thing but hanging out at his place was one of the more memorable parts of my childhood. in fact,most of my childhood revolved around time with my cousins.i used to have so much fun with my cousins whenever they came over to my place.i dont know why but most of my cousins had nicknames for each other.i was called yang yang(dont laugh zz) and there were others like nana and stuff lol.they would come over on a typical saturday.we would start playing with our wrestling cards and play card games.in case you didnt know,i was the ULTIMATE wrestling card fanatic haha.i had tons of wrestling cards at home and spent at least a thousand bucks on cards but damn it was worth it haha.during my free time i would rack my brains trying to form the perfect wrestling deck to beat my cousins.after our regular wrestling card game with my cousins edmund and william,my younger brother,my pri sch classmate hiongyong and i,we would head down to the void deck and play soccer.that started off my passion for soccer really.getting chased off by residents that lived in the void decks and kicking balls that broke the void deck lights and running away after that.then we would head to pioneer mall to have lunch before heading back and just slacking.frankly,that period was the most memorable of my life so far.if i could,i would turn back time and go back to those times where studies werent an issue and i didnt have to care about whatever friendships i had and not even bgr,because i was happy.

whenever i hear my friends talk about going out with their cousins and stuff,i always feel a tinge of unhappiness in my heart because sadly,me and my cousins dont even keep in touch anymore just because of us growing up and having more friends.frankly now,my primary school friends are the ones that i treasure the most.whenever people ask ''wah you still go out with your primary school friends ah'',i feel quite proud because its not often that people even remember their primary school friends.the most ironic thing is,out of our clique,only me hiongyong,theresa and anson were in the same class.nicole,percie and gary were from different classes so its quite funny that we'e now still so close.sadly,anson hasnt gone out with us for the past year because of a misunderstanding and now,he doesnt even want to be part of this clique anymore.i feel quite sad that he doesnt hang out with us anymore becaue i treat anson as a very good friend and the fact that he doesnt want to hang out with us anymore,considering we were friends for 8 years,is quite saddening frankly.but well,life goes on and the people around you never stay.to be honest,my faith in friends has dropped drastically since i went into jc but certainly not the GLAMS,as we affectionally call ourselves.i guess the saying ''give and take'' is true.i lost the company of my cousins but well,i gained the friendship of my primary school friends.

since i went into jc,frankly i can say that 10 years down the road,i wouldnt even remember most of my friends in jjc anymore other than team JJ,team NSIMI and amir.whenever im on the train or bus alone,i tend to think a lot and mostly,my secondary school friends come into my mind,especially team69 and my class 4-3.when i think back,i feel as if secondary four just passed by in a flash.i especially miss my tuition days with mr koh and mr yeo.frankly they are the ones who brought me to jc.before i went to tuition my results were very bad but after going to their tuition,i got a resounding 10 for my olevels.i used to have so much fun at tuition with my friends like jialin,jasmine,zhimei,shuyu,jiaqian,don,kumar,julian,kenny,weijie,andy and so much more.i will always remember mr koh's diarrhoea-inducing beehoon to mr koh's famous ''yesss'' and the soccer bunch saying stupid and funny stuff haha.i feel very guilty when i think about the both of my tuition teachers because i havent visited them ever since i went to jc.i can say i was busy and stuff like that,but honestly i didnt go back to visit them because none of my other tuition classmates wanted to go back which makes me quite sad and stuff.now i want to go back and visit them but it's been so long since i visited them,i would feel so awkward and guilty too.

sigh regrets regrets.perhaps the biggest regret that will stay with me for the rest of my life would be adivision.failing to qualify for the second round really hurt,even now.and even worse is that i didnt play well for a single game for coach in a year.it really hurts now whenever i even think about it because the team had so much quality and it just didnt come together for us.coach's words to me the day before the first game of adivision will stay with me for the rest of my life.words cant describe my feelings of regret enough.

sigh...

well,i dont know.yea sometimes i feel as if im someone that can just disappear from this world and everyone would be happier for it.when i do something good,its always played down by people who shall remain anonymous.whenever i do something bad,its always scrutinized by virtually everyone around me.i mean am i that detestable?it really sucks when people around you,even your closest friends say you're a bigmouth.that word really pisses me in ways i cant imagine.forget it,people if you have anything to tell me please dont,because i'll probably tell someone about it(at least thats what my friends,my CLOSEST friends think).like when im playing pool.whenever they win,they make fun of me and say im a waste of time and im lousy.yea i mean its banter between guys,i can take it no problem.but when i win,they say ''aiya you tyco la,if play another time then you wont win liao''then when i win they give the 'how can i possibly lose to this guy'' face and when i lose,im not allowed to show a discontented face because if i do,i get called ''a sore loser''.a few months ago i got to know of some of the prom nominees,which frankly,you would agree that they wouldnt win and i went around telling some of my friends and joked around with them.well,it turns out that some of my closest friends were monitoring me,trying to prove their point that i was indeed a bigmouth and they sure got their wish.sometimes i wonder is it really worth living my life to please people?in secondary school i admit i was a fucker,i dont deny that.when i came to jc i wanted to change all that and start a clean slate.apparently i havent done enough because in my cca,even when i hardly talked to that person,he didnt have an affection for me if you can put it that way.my friends dont trust me and well,frankly,im tired,i dont want to live for my life for people anymore.


I'm just so fuckin' depressed
I just cant seem to get out this slump
If I could just get over this hump
But I need something to pull me out this dump
I took my bruises, took my lumps
Fell down and I got right back up
But I need that spark to get psyched back up
In order for me to pick that mic back up
I don't know how I pry away
And I ended up in this position I'm in
I starting to feel distant again
So I decided just to pick this pen
Up and tried to make an attempt to vent
But I just can't admit
Or come to grips, with the fact that
I may be done with rap
I need a new outlet
I know some shits so hard to swallow
And I just can't sit back and wallow
In my own sorrow
But I know one fact
I'll be one tough act to follow
One tough act to follow
One tough act to follow
One tough act to follow
Here today, gone tomorrow
But you have to walk a thousand miles
 

Chorus
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
I'll be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful woah
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you sO
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful woah
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you

I think I'm starting to lose my sense of humor
Everything is so tense and gloom
I almost feel like I gotta check the temperature in the room
Just as soon as I walk in
It's like all eyes on me
So I try to avoid any eye contact
Cause if I do that then it opens a door to conversation
Like I want that...
I'm not looking for extra attention
I just want to be just like you
Blend in with the rest of the room
Maybe just point me to the closest restroom
I don't need fucking man servant
Tryin to follow me around, and wipe my ass
Laugh at every single joke I crack
And half of them ain't even funny like
Ahh Marshall, you're so funny man, you should be a comedian, god damn
Unfortunately I am, but I just hide behind the tears of a clown
So why don't you all sit down
Listen to the tale I'm about to tell
Hell, we don't have to trade our shoes
And you don't have to walk no thousand miles

Chorus
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to
Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful woah
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you so
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful woah
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you

Nobody asked for life to deal us
With these bullshit hands they've delt
We have to take these cards ourselves
And flip them, don't expect no help
Now I could have either just
Sat on my ass and pissed and moaned
But take this situation in which I'm placed in
And get up and get my own
I was never the type of kid
To wait but I know to unpack his bags
Never sat on the porch and hoped and prayed
For a dad to show up who never did
I just wanted to fit in
Every single place
Every school I went
I dreamed of being that cool kid
Even if it meant acting stupid
Aunt Edna always told me
Keep making that face till it gets stuck like that
Meanwhile I'm just standing there
Holding my tongue up trying to talk like this
Till I stuck my tongue on the frozen stop sign poll at 8 years old
I learned my lesson and cause I wasn't tryin to impress my friends no more
But I already told you my whole life story
Not just based on my description
Cause where you see it from where you're sitting
Is probably 110% different
I guess we would have to walk a mile
In each other's shoes, at least
What size you wear
I wear tens
Let's see if they can fit your feet

Chorus
In my shoes, just to see
What it's like, to be me
All be you, let's trade shoes
Just to see what I'd be like to

Feel your pain, you feel mine
Go inside each other's mind
Just to see what we find
Look at shit through each other's eyes

But don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful woah
They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you so
Don't let 'em say you ain't beautiful woah

They can all get fucked. Just stay true to you

 

in a way,arsenal summarises my life.some moments of brilliance,but always failing to deliver and disappointment.

if i could hit someone now,i would.

FUCK LA! IM TIRED OF THIS FUCKING SHIT!

Hleb: I was wrong to leave Gunners - Tuesday, August 11

Barcelona reject Alexander Hleb has admitted he made a mistake in leaving Arsenal last summer after being forced to leave the Spanish champions and return to former club Stuttgart on loan.

The Belarus midfielder left the Bundesliga side four years ago to join the Gunners and his career went from strength to strength, culminating in his transfer to the Camp Nou. But having rarely featured for Barca during their treble winning season, the 28-year-old believes he should never have left North London.

"Of course I regret leaving Arsenal," Hleb said. "I was playing every week for one of the most exciting sides in Europe, a team which was always in the top four in the Premier League and were Champions League contenders."

"For me, leaving Arsenal was not a good move," he continued. "A footballer only exists when he takes to the field and makes a proper contribution to the team and even though I was part of a Barca squad that was almost unstoppable, it was hard not to feel detached from all the happiness and celebration at the end."

been reflecting on my adiv journey ever since..well it ended?its full of bittersweet memories but i definitely wont forget this team.but something that one of my teammates told me really hurt me deep inside.even though i didnt show it,but after i heard it,i felt as if i was back in the days of sec sch again,where i always got backstabbed by my past soccermates.

well my teammate said that i was a bootlicker and stuck to coach too much.to be frank,i never ever felt i needed to suck up to coach,i treat coach as a mentor and a friend.and to this day,i am adamant that i never ever tried to suck up to coach.i always talked to coach about the team and never about myself.even when i did stuff like msging people and organising team outings and stuff,i never had anything in mind,the only thing was ''for the team.''

just had chem test just now and i feel so fcuked.yesterday was math test and i only spent sunday studying for math and i could actually do the paper.i didnt pause at all during the paper because i could actually do it.super contrasting to the chemistry paper,the one i studied so hard for during the holidays and yet i couldnt do the damn paper.last question was blank,there goes 10 marks.dont even get me started on mcq seriously.

its been ages since i've been running down the flanks for NSIMI and crossing!stupid h1n1 flu dont let us book pitch.doesnt make a difference seriously,its just a stupid flu and you can die from a normal flu anyways -_- 3 weeks since we last played,thats way too long.i dont like street soccer at basketball court cos its so restrictive.i prefer hockey court zz.

watched transformers with theresa at vivocity and it was great! had lunch at white dog's cafe(i think) and talked there! then we went to the roof and took many photos(as usual i didnt show my teeth :D ) then had chocolate banana cake at secret recipe and it was simply heavenly hahah.and the company was great (:

sometimes when i see old people at mrt stations begging for money and stuff,and seeing many others search dustbins for rubbish,i feel that i'd rather die early like around 40?at most 50 lah but heck i cant collect cpf.i mean why live so long to suffer?i know its not like that with all the elderly but mostly all of them dont lead fulfilling lives after they retire.think about it.you are born into this world,you dont know anything and just keep playing until you reach primary school.then you get entangled into the abyss that is the education system.you study hard so that you can get into a good secondary school.once you get into a good secondary school,you study so that you can go to a good junior college.then you go to a junior college so that you can go to a good uni.then u go to a good uni to get masters.in the end,if u cant get a masters,u get a stupid office job that pays $2000 a month.you think about it everyday,hoping that you want to get out of that damn office seat and set up your own business.but that dream nv materialises because you work so hard yet the company decides to get foreign talent and you get kicked aside.you work until you're 55,get your cpf yet in the end you dont know how to spend the money.and then you die.this is called life.dreams are just well,dreams.only a small proportion of people get their dreams fulfilled.


oh yea,RIP michael jackson.even though i didnt listen to his music much,but i saw his dancing and music on mtv and i was amazed.sad that he died with no hair,pills in his stomach and surgery scars and in a nutshell,he died a living skeleton.the king of pop lived his dream yet he died a horrible death.oh well,thats life